Unique New Year’s Resolutions for Each U.S. State
2014 is in the rearview mirror and America is focussed on its 2015 New Year’s resolutions. While the country as a whole should resolve to download the Estately iPhone app for their next home search, there are a number of other unique resolutions each state should consider committing to as well…
ALABAMA
The Heart of Dixie’s heart problems stem from having the highest cholesterol in the country, but in addition to lowering cholesterol Alabama should resolve to stop tweeting so much racist garbage—highest in the country.
ALASKA
Alaska is the last frontier, but it’s at the forefront of drunk driving (second most DUI arrests per capita). A good resolution would be to start using a designated driver, and a good question would be whether it’s still considered a DUI if a drunk driver is operating a dog sled?
ARIZONA
2015 needs to be the year Arizonans start going to the dentist. In 2013 only 59.3% of Arizona residents went to the dentist, the lowest rate in the country.
ARKANSAS
Arkansas has no shortage of room for improvement. The state is in the bottom five when it comes to obesity, smoking, heart disease, lack of exercise, going to the dentist, and cholesterol. Time for some serious diet and exercise, and that doesn’t mean going on the Atkins Diet, which is something Arkansas residents Google more than any other state.
CALIFORNIA
All of America is concerned about California. The state is tops for car thefts, it Googles “Paris Hilton” more than any other state, and it’s running out of water. However, it also has the highest percentage of residents without a high school degree. It’s time for California to finish high school.
COLORADO
While marijuana may be getting all the press in Colorado the state is still the top user of cocaine in America. Hopefully this will be the year Coloradans stop cramming into bathroom stalls to snort lines.
CONNECTICUT
This had better be the year Connecticut residents put away the Crock-Pot and step outside to barbecue like real Americans. The state is dead last in barbecue enthusiasm, which could be why 49 percent of residents would like to move to another state if they could—second highest in the country.
DELAWARE
If you’ve been to Delaware you’ve probably noticed how crowded it is on mass transit. This isn’t because more people are moving to Delaware, it’s because residents there are increasing in circumference. The state is dead last when it comes to regular exercise, and it’s seen the largest increase in obesity of any state since 2000.
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
Over 57% of residents in our nation’s capital have never married, the highest in the country. It could be because it has a younger population, or it could be because D.C. has a reputation for not being able to compromise.
FLORIDA
Florida is tops for Google searches for locksmiths, so not losing one’s keys could be a good goal for 2015.
GEORGIA
Georgia has the highest unemployment rate in the country, so 2015 would be an ideal time to find a job.
HAWAII
According to RunKeeper, runners in Hawaii average 11:13 per mile, the slowest in the country. If runners there can shave a little over a minute off their time they can go from last place to first.
IDAHO
Idaho has the second-highest percentage of workers earning minimum wage or less. Finding a better-paying job would be a good goal for 2015, and so would paying your workers more.
ILLINOIS
Illinois is a fine state and Chicago is a first-class city, but residents of Illinois must think the grass is greener elsewhere because over 50% would move if they could. Could this be the year people vacate the Land of Lincoln for someplace new? Have you considered scenic Wisconsin?
INDIANA
Indiana is a respectable U.S. state without too many glaring flaws, but residents do gamble a lot in casinos—fifth most in America.
IOWA
Bacon is one of the tastiest things on the planet, but Iowa’s enthusiasm for it goes beyond that of any other state. Iowa is the most bacon-obsessed state in the country, so maybe it’s time to dial that back a bit. Or maybe not. As far as vices go you could do a lot worse than bacon (see Colorado, Rhode Island…).
KANSAS
Kansas views more porn than any other U.S. state, which means Kansas views A LOT OF PORN.
KENTUCKY
The only state that smokes more than Kentucky is Arkansas, which is a smoldering ashtray of health woes. Quitting smoking would be a good goal for 2015, and so would not be the state that Googles “Miley Cyrus” the most.
LOUISIANA
Louisiana residents largely abstain from eating vegetables (2nd lowest), rank near the bottom in most health and wellness statistics, steal more than any other state (tops for larceny), and now have the lowest percentage of volunteerism in the country. That’s a tall order of self-improvement to be done, so maybe just start with a little volunteer work.
MAINE
Maine could stand to waste less time watching cat videos at the office (most in America), but residents should be most concerned with their marriages. Maine now has the second-highest divorce rate in the country, trailing only Nevada. Marriage counseling isn’t as glamorous as a new gym membership, but it’s a lot cheaper than a divorce.
MARYLAND
Look, for whatever reason Maryland residents do the most Google searches for “kickball league.” If reliving recess is your dream then just do it already. And once Maryland residents have done that they can focus their attention on practicing safe sex, which would do wonders to lower the state’s high rate of sexually transmitted infections.
MASSACHUSETTS
If there’s one thing that unites Massachusetts residents it’s a fear of commitment. Nearly 36 percent of residents 15 and older have never been married. What are you all waiting for? How do you expect to catch up with Arkansas’ record for most residents who’ve been married three times or more?
MICHIGAN
Michigan Googled “Where do babies come from” more than any other state in 2014. Hopefully, Michigan figures out the truth in 2015, otherwise it’ll probably just believe whatever Ohio tells it.
MINNESOTA
Minnesota has been eating its vegetables, exercising, being nice to its neighbors, and overall just being in a really good state. What can it do to improve? How about catching some of the 19 bank robbers currently on the loose—9th most in America.
MISSISSIPPI
Once merely considered “plump” or even “husky,” Mississippi is now simply considered fat. The most obese state in America needs to embrace diet and exercise because right now it’s definitely that state that wears its T-shirt when swimming at the community pool.
MISSOURI
The high rate of meth use in Missouri means there aren’t as many teeth to floss, but flossing is still a good resolution for a state that ranks second-to-last when it comes to going to the dentist.
MONTANA
Montana has the fifth-highest number of gun deaths (murder, suicide, accidental shootings) per capita of any state in America. Improved gun safety would be a worthy goal for 2015.
NEBRASKA
Any state that’s #1 for Google searches for “Cliff’s Notes” is not hitting the books hard enough. Even if it’s just a Danielle Steele novel to read on the toilet Nebraska needs to put its nose in a book.
NEVADA
Nevada residents do the most online searches for “tattoo removal,” which means it probably tops for getting lame tattoos. Maybe it’s time to take a break from the ink.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
The Granite State owns the distinction of giving the lowest percentage of income to charity, possibly because they spend their disposable income on beer (second-most). If New Hampshire residents can just triple their charitable giving they could actually surpass the most generous state of Mississippi.
NEW JERSEY
Out of all 50 states, New Jersey is the least prepared to face a zombie apocalypse. Seriously. There’s science behind this. All New Jersey needs to do is catch up on zombie movies it missed, start exercising, play paintball, take martial arts classes, and ready itself for an army of the undead. 2015 is going to be busy.
NEW MEXICO
New Mexico leads the nation in accidental deaths (car crashes, poisonings, choking deaths, fatal falls, etc). For 2015, New Mexico just needs to try and be more careful.
NEW YORK
New York City is known as “the city that never sleeps,” but that goes for New York State as well. The state had the third highest percentage of residents saying they sleep less than seven hours a night. We know we’re not New York State’s parents, but its bedtime needs to be moved up.
NORTH CAROLINA
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration North Carolina has the highest percentage of people needing treatment for illicit drug use, but not receiving it. Are there organizations that allow crowd sourcing for someone drug rehab? If not someone needs to get on that.
NORTH DAKOTA
North Dakota has the highest number of fatal occupational injuries per capita of any state. Maybe 2015 would be a good year to try and find a desk job.
OHIO
Ohio has plenty of possible self-improvement projects it could work on, but if you ask most Ohio residents they’re resolved to simply beat Oregon in the College Football Playoff championship.
OKLAHOMA
You know who doesn’t get any dessert? Oklahoma. Out of all 50 states it’s the one that doesn’t eat its vegetables. The state is ranked dead last when it comes to eating five or more servings of fruits and vegetables four or more days per week.
OREGON
Over 27 percent of Oregon residents say they have no religious identity, nearly four times more than Mississippi, the most religious state. Could this be the year Oregonians find religion? Or is this the year they stop abusing prescription drugs (most in the country)?
PENNSYLVANIA
Most people have some sort of goal for 2015, but Pennsylvania might have the highest number who intend to learn to juggle. The state is tops for Googling “learn to juggle.”
RHODE ISLAND
Little Rhode Island came in first place on Estately’s list of states with the most immature men, but more concerning is that it has the highest number of regular drug users. Perhaps laying off the drugs will be the state’s resolution for 2015?
SOUTH CAROLINA
Ranking which state has the worst drivers is challenging, but South Carolina is at the front of the pack for fatal accidents resulting form speeding, drunk driving, and distracted driving. Resolving to drive better would be good for South Carolina.
SOUTH DAKOTA
It appears that in 2011 South Dakota residents apparently resolved to drink more beer and managed to increase their beer consumption by 3.1%, the fourth highest in the country. Given that the state has the third most DUI arrests per capita it might be time to ease up on that beer consumption.
TENNESSEE
Statistically speaking, there are a few hard truths about people in Tennessee. First, they hate fruit (lowest fruit consumption in America) and they love to fight (highest rate of aggravated assault). Maybe it’s a lack of fiber in the diet that’s making people so irritable.
TEXAS
When it comes to not having health insurance, Texas is absolutely killing it. A whopping 27 percent of Texans don’t have health insurance coverage, which is nearly 4.5 percent more than second-to-last-place Arkansas. Texas also had the second-lowest voter turnout in 2014. So lots of potential resolutions to choose from…
UTAH
Is this year Utah residents finally make it to first base? The state leads the country in Google searches for “how to kiss” and maybe that’s why it also leads the country in searches for “clear search history.”
VERMONT
Vermont has the second-highest percentage of residents with visual/performing arts degrees, which is the lowest-paying college major in the country. Is this the year to rack up more student loan debt and get a degree with more earning power?
VIRGINIA
Virginia is a state that seems like it’s half in the north and half in the south, but when it comes to obesity it is definitely with the overweight Confederacy. Virginia’s obesity numbers increased 11 percent between 2000-2011, the third highest rate in the country. Maybe it’s time Virginians tried out healthy eating and regular exercise before they end up resembling their famed Virginia hams?
WASHINGTON
It’s embarrassing, but Washington residents don’t know how to ride a bike. They can operate a computer well enough to Google “how to ride a bike” more than any other state, but they’re apparently nervous about taking the training wheels off without further instruction.
WEST VIRGINIA
When it comes to health problems that need to be corrected, West Virginia is an absolute dumpster fire. Here’s a list of things that should inspire West Virginians to get off the couch.
- Highest percentage of seniors with no natural teeth (36 percent)
- Highest percentage of adults who are obese (35.1 percent/tied with Mississippi)
- Last place for overall well-being (61.4 percent)
- Third-highest rate of diabetes (15.9 percent)
- Highest percentage of adults with heart disease (7.5 percent)
- Highest number of deaths from drugs (31.3 per 100,000)
- Highest percentage of smokers (27.3 percent)
WISCONSIN
When you’re already the top state for binge drinking there’s no reason to make “party harder” your New Year’s resolution, but this is Wisconsin we’re talking about.
WYOMING
Sadly, Wyoming has the most DUI arrests per capita of any U.S. state. Being drunk behind the wheel is wrong, but you know what a more socially acceptable place is to be drunk? It’s college. Wyoming has the most affordable college tuition in the country, yet only 24.7 percent of residents have college degrees.
