Cleveland Is Better Than Any Other City And Here’s Proof

Living in Cleveland means living in Ohio, the leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants (hardly exciting) in the United States. However, living in Cleveland also means you live in the best major city in the country. Don’t believe us? Read it and weep, losers.

Cleveland is better than Denver 

Denver is a great place to buy a home, but not if you enjoy eating out or buying groceries. The median sale price for a home in Denver is about $250,000 and predicted to rise another 2.2% in the next year. The median sale price for a home in Cleveland? Only about $56,000. So for the price of a Denver home you can buy almost four homes, which means you don’t have to have neighbors.

Cleveland is better than Seattle 

In 2013, Seattle was ranked the third worst commuting city in the US, and as any Midwest transplant to Seattle knows, it’s a city filled with terrible drivers who park their cars in the ditch at the mere glimpse of a snowflake. During the first six months of 2013, the average Seattle commuter spent 18 hours sitting in traffic.  Cleveland, on the other hand, is the sixth best commuter city in the country, with an average travel time of 23.9 minutes.

Cleveland is better than Philadelphia 

People continue to bring up the time Cleveland’s Cuyahoga River caught fire, but that was way back in 1969. Things are much improved, and far better than over in Philadelphia, where 18.5 million pounds of toxic releases occur each year, making it one of the dirtiest cities in the country. Of those way-too-many millions, 7.2 million are discharged into the water. It really makes for bad fishing.

Cleveland is better than Minneapolis 

Minneapolis/St. Paul was recently ranked the 5th most insecure city in the country, meaning residents spend a lot of time giving each other pep talks  to build each other’s confidence. Lacking confidence is not a problem Cleveland has to deal with.

Cleveland is better than Chicago

In 2013 Forbes ranked Chicago the country’s fourth most miserable city. We’re going to take a wild guess and say it has something to do with Chi-Town having the 4th longest commute time, a high number of housing foreclosures, and some of the highest gas prices in the country.

Cleveland is better than Austin 

Sure, Austin has been dubbed the “Live Music Capitol of the World”, with over 200 live music venues within 298 square miles, making the city home to more music venues per square mile than any other U.S. City. Are all of those band great? Absolutely not. Most are terrible. You know what city has the cream of the Rock n Roll crop? It’s Cleveland, the city with the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. Rock on Cleveland.

Cleveland is better than Las Vegas

According to the Weather.com, Vegas is the 3rd sunniest city in the US, averaging 210 sunny days a year. Cleveland gets only 163. Because of the extreme heat in Las Vegas area residents primarily enjoy that sunshine inside dark, air-conditioned casinos, or else in their oven-like cars on the freeway. Enjoy your skin cancer Vegas. We guarantee that’s one thing that doesn’t stay in Sin City after you leave.

Cleveland is better than LA

Los Angeles was ranked the 3rd smelliest city in the world in 2013 and, no, it isn’t because of the overpopulated hipster communities. Just take a look at what happened in 2012. Eew. America should really rethink the criteria for which to call a city an “armpit”.

Cleveland is better than New York City 

Forget all the obvious dangers of living in Gotham,  New York City is dangerous for an entirely different reason—hurricanes. Thanks to the Big Apple’s geographical placement, the city is in danger of being hit by a Category 3 Hurricane or greater for each foreseeable decade to come. Guess which city doesn’t have hurricanes? Cleveland.

Cleveland is better than San Francisco

Having won not one, not two, not three or four, but five Super Bowl Championships, you would think San Francisco 49ers fan would be loyal. Think again. A recent study by Emory University’s Sports Marketing Analytics Program ranked 49er fans the 26th most loyal fan base in the NFL. Even though Browns fans have never basked in the glory of the Lombardi’s trophy before, you can expect the city won’t need any guide to tell them how to celebrate properly.

Cleveland is better than Boston 

Everyone loves a good time, until the Jager bomb-slamming, fist-pumping dude-brah-bro-man ruins all the fun. In 2011 Boston was named America’s drunkest city, where the average bro consumes an average of 15.5 drinks a month and 20.1 percent of the population considers themselves binge drinkers. We’d like to think Boston has changed, but let’s be honest…

Cleveland is better than Orlando

Orlando isn’t just home to some unusual people, it’s home to some weird laws as well. Did you know it’s illegal to trip a horse with a rope, release more than ten balloons in a 24 hour period without permission, and cops are allowed to keep a pint of booze as evidence (which explains a lot)? Enjoy greater freedoms in Cleveland.

Cleveland is better than Houston

Looking for a fit, attractive counterpart to spend your evenings with? You’ve got better odds in Cleveland than in Houston, which is consistently ranked as one of the fattest cities in the country. Houston has 1,034 more fast food restaurants than any other city in the U.S., and one that offers deep fried chocolate covered cheesecake.

Cleveland is Better Than Detroit 

Cleveland may not the Monaco of the Midwest, but its money woes are nothing like Detroit’s, which is currently suffering through the largest municipal bankruptcy in the history of the United States.

Cleveland is better than Indianapolis 

After mowing the lawn on a hot, Sunday afternoon do you sometimes enjoy a cold beer? People in Cleveland can enjoy this simple pleasure, but people in Indianapolis are prohibited from buying beer anywhere in Indiana on a Sunday, except at restaurants. That’s un-American.

Cleveland is better than Phoenix

The average temperature in Phoenix during the summer is a sweltering 90.7 degrees. The average high temperature in Cleveland is a lovely 77.4 degrees, which means you have a few more precious minutes to enjoy an ice cream cone in Cleveland.

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Estately is a national online real estate search site whose articles have been featured in the The Wall Street Journal, CNET, San Francisco Chronicle, Houston Chronicle, NBC News, Philadelphia Magazine, GeekWire, The Denver Post, and more.