15 Things You Can Buy For The Price Of One Month’s Rent In San Francisco

San Francisco is a fantastic city, and if you have $2,800 you can rent a one bedroom apartment there for one entire month. No joking. That $2,800 just pays the rent for 30 days. You’ll have to come up with extra cash for sourdough bread, Uber rides up steep hills, and hip eyewear. To put it in perspective we came up with fifteen other things you can buy for the cost of a month’s rent…

1. An Awesome Robot Costume

It may not be a roof over your head, but you’ll be too busy fighting crime and spending time with your robot groupies. No man or woman can resist the allure of the “Robot Costume Ironman Transformers Real Steel Star Wars War Machine Costume” that’s currently for sale on eBay for $2,800.

2. A House in Toledo, OH

Oh, it’ll be a fixer for sure, and you’ll have to move to Ohio, but if you look past the interior rot and the smashed floorboards you’ll discover a historic home that’s just looking for someone to love it. Can you do that? Do you still have the capacity to love?

3. An Epic Pizza Party

A medium two-topping pizza from Domino’s is $5.99 so you can buy 467 of them for the price a month’s rent. When the party is over you can build a giant, stinky cardboard fort out of all the greasy boxes and watch it get ripped to shreds by a family of raccoons.

4. A Recreational Vehicle

This 1978 Cabana RV is priced to sell, and with its 440 Dodge motor it’s got horsepower to make it up San Francisco’s steepest hills. It’s tough to parallel park, but there’s plenty of living space inside, and you can drive it all the way down to Mexico and go surfing or something cool like that.

5. A Private Suite at a Bon Jovi Concert

Have you ever seen Bon Jovi perform live in Green Bay, Wisconsin? Not a chance because Bon Jovi has never graced Green Bay with its presence before. However, the 2013 Bon Jovi “Because We Can” Tour is stopping at the Resch Center for one night only and you can rent a private suite for you and 15 of your besties for $2,800. Your friends will probably even pay for your drinks if you agree to stop calling them “besties.”

6. A 12-Day Vacation in South Africa

For the price of one month’s rent in San Francisco you can enjoy a 12-day vacation in South Africa from Friendly Planet Travel. The price includes airfare, hotels, meals, a safari, and transport around the country. Who knows, you might even get to ride a giraffe.

7. Five Shares of Apple Stock

At $545 per share, you can buy five shares of stock in Apple, and with the remaining $75 you’ll have left you can hedge your bet and buy two shares of Microsoft stock.

8. A Painting

It may not be a Van Gogh, but the framed watercolor “Margarita Man” can be had for all of $2,800. What exactly is the Margaraita Man? Is it a collection of sticks? Is it a brown cactus? Why is it wearing a scarf? Great art really causes a person to ask tough questions. Marinate on that.

9. A Car

You’re probably thinking, “What kind of expensive Italian sports car is that?” Actually, this tinted beauty is just a lowly 2003 Ford Focus ZTS, but the pitch black paint and 16-inch wheels definitely make it look like a car costing well over $3,200. Must be some kind of misprint because the list price is only $2,800!!!

10. A Topps Alex Smith Card

Part of Topps much revered “Game Manager Collection,” this autographed Alex Smith card is only $200 less than a Steve Young USFL rookie card on eBay.

11. A Really Fast Bike

It’s used, but it’s light as a feather and the colors are pretty cool and it gives you an excuse to wear spandex and funny hats with tiny bills.

12. A Sweet Boat

You can’t go waterskiing or fishing in an apartment, but aquatic adventure awaits if you buy this 1999 Laser LTV Bass Boat. From San Francisco Bay to the Sacramento River, you’ll be drawing stares from every scuba diver and sea lion you pass.

13. A Wagon

This towable wagon only has 40 square feet of living space, but it has a full-sized bed, a galley-type cooking area, and is advertised as “ideal for hunting and camping.” Since it’s only $2,500, you’ll have $300 leftover to furnish it, preferably in exotic pelts and antler art.

14. Becoming a Clown

A five-week workshop in Clown & Physical Comedy at the Clown Conservatory will prepare you in the art of not only traditional circus clowning, but also in “more provocative, challenging and confrontational work of standup comedy, street theater and satire.” Basically, it will turn you into the type of clown people are terrified to #@%& with. You can spend the remaining $300 on oversized shoes, rubber noses, and other cool clown stuff.

15. Eleven Sponsored Tweets By Frankie Muniz

You loved Frankie Muniz in the sitcom Malcolm in the Middle and you’ll love him even more when he tweets about you 11 times for $252 a pop. That’s simply the price of doing Twitter business with a legend. You could spend $2,800 for Lance Bass to mention you in up to four tweets, but you’re getting a much better value from Muniz. Don’t use up all those tweets at once. Like wishes from a genie, tweets from Frankie should be thoughtfully considered first.