37 Things to Consider Before Moving to Michigan
If America was a school dance, California would be the outgoing, attractive person who’d catch your eye. But what about that other state standing against the wall, calmly rejecting the advances of Wisconsin and Illinois? Who’s that state? It’s Michigan, and it just might be the state of your dreams. How do you know if Michigan is the right state for you? Check out these 37 things to consider before moving to Michigan and decide for yourself.
HOSTILE CANADIANS
Canada is a peaceful American ally, right? Wrong. One of the bloodiest battles fought in the War of 1812 was a tragic defeat for American troops attempting to retake Detroit from Canadian invaders. That may be in the past, but that doesn’t mean Canada won’t invade again. Toronto is only 230 miles from the Michigan border so if Toronto Mayor Rob Ford runs out rock cocaine he could attempt to invade Detroit to land some of that “Pure Michigan” crack.
COLD!
In the winter, Michigan is cold. Very cold. Once the temperature dropped to -51°F, a sub-freezing nightmare that’s more miserable than one can imagine. Lakes freeze, snow gets shoveled, and giant ice balls form along the shores of Lake Michigan.
CONEY DOGS
The world famous Coney Dog was invented in Detroit, but is available across Michigan. It’s a specially-seasoned hot dog served on a bun, covered in chili sauce, mustard, and chopped onion. It is not diet food. It is not a passing fad. It’s a Michigan institution.
OPERATION DEPOPULATION
If you visited Michigan in the 1990s and thought it was too crowded you can take solace in the fact that Michigan is the only state to see a decrease in population between 2000 and 2010.
DEER HUNTING
With over 250,000 participating in white-tailed deer hunting season, Michigan has the third most deer hunters of any state in America, behind Texas (1st) and Pennsylvania (2nd). However, Michigan’s annual deer harvest is higher than that of Pennsylvania, thus Michigan is home to better hunters. In many rural school districts, schools are closed on the opening day of deer season because of attendance issues.
OBESITY
With an obesity rate of 28.8%, Michigan is the 9th fattest U.S. state, and the highest of any state not in the south. However, these statistics were recorded before the Detroit Tigers traded Prince Fielder to the Texas Rangers.
AUTO STATE OF MIND
Michigan is not a state where you can bluff when it comes to car knowledge. There’s a good chance your gear head neighbors not only know cars, but they possibly worked on the assembly link that built your car.
PEOPLE IN MICHIGAN…
- Don’t wear pasties, they eat them
- Chase their Vernor’s with a shot of bourbon
- Sign up for credit cards just to use them as ice scrapers
- Consider wool socks and flannel pajamas “winter lingerie”
- Cancel their gym memberships in winter because they shovel the driveway instead
- Plan to name their first two children “Barry” and “Sanders,” regardless of gender
- Sometimes throw octopuses on the ice during hockey games
- Kill more deer then people in Ohio
- Are drawing up plans for a car that transforms into a snowmobile
- Never told their friends about dating someone from Wisconsin
- Dream of departing their wedding across a frozen Lake Michigan on a zamboni
GATEWAY TO WISCONSIN
Hypothetically, let’s say the U.S. experiences a massive economic collapse and commerce ceases to function. Let’s assume during this state of anarchy you’re hosting a cocktail party and are unable to obtain cheese for a cheese plate. Provided you have access to boats and horned helmets, you and your swanky friends can become modern Vikings, cross Lake Michigan, and plunder Wisconsin of its massive cheese stores.
UNEMPLOYMENT
The unemployment rate in Michigan is 9.0%, the third worst in the country, but it is creating jobs at a higher rate than the national average. Basically, things aren’t great, but they’re definitely getting better, especially in Detroit’s startup community.
PICK A PENINSULA
Michigan is the only state consisting of two peninsulas, a geographic anomaly of such rarity that it appears right at the top of the state’s Wikipedia page. This creates a dilemma: Do you want to live in the Lower Peninsula, which is shaped like a mitten (actually, an oven mitt), or the Upper Peninsula, which is shaped like a goose that’s flown into an airplane propeller?
MICHIGAN PRODUCES FUNNY PEOPLE
- Curtis Armstrong, actor who played Booger in the 1984 comedy “Revenge of the Nerds,” was born and raised in Michigan.
- Gilda Radner, a hilarious comedian famous for her work on Saturday Night Live, was born and raised in Michigan.
- Andy Richter, comedian and Conan O’Brien sidekick, was born in Grand Rapids.
- Steven Seagal was born in Lansing, Michigan. While it’s not intentional, Seagal does provide a lot to laugh at.
- Comedian Sinbad was born and raised in Benton Harbor, Michigan.
- Pro wrestler George “The Animal” Steele was born in Detroit and grew up in Madison Heights.
- Comedian and SNL cast member Tim Meadows was born in Highland Park.
- Comedian David Allen Grier was born and raised in Detroit, and he received a B.A. from the University of Michigan.
- Actor Jeff Daniels, famed for his role in the film Dumb and Dummer, grew up in Chelsea, Michigan.
- Comedian Sandra Bernhard spent her early years in Flint, Michigan.
- Dick Martin, co-host of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, was born in Battle Creek and graduated from Michigan State University.
- Lilly Tomlin, a comedic actress, writer, and producer, was born and raised in Detroit.
- Actor and comedian Robin Williams grew up in Detroit.
BUYING A HOME CAN BE VERY CHEAP
You can buy a house in Detroit for less than most used cars.
CHERRY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD
For most Americans, the excitement of the first cherries of the season is tempered by the sticker shock of cherry prices. However, if you live in Michigan, you’ll be in close proximity to hundreds of cherry orchards so the price will be considerably lower.
HOME OF PRESIDENT GERALD FORD
Old Ger-Bear grew up in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He was an Eagle Scout, a star football player at University of Michigan that won two national titles, a WWII veteran, and the 38th President of the United States.
CORNISH PASTY
When Cornish miners arrived in the Upper Penninsula to work in area’s copper and iron mines, they brough pasties with them. Like a Hot Pocket pastry shell that’s filled with meat, root vegetables, and seasoning, these flaky pastries can still be enjoyed, even by those working above ground. Also, they don’t cause the intestinal distress of an actual Hot Pocket.
LIGHTHOUSES
Michigan has about 150 lighthouses, the most of any state. Imagine setting out to photograph every one. You could stop for pumpkin-spice lattes along the way. Maybe post the photos on the Flickr or Instagram. Sounds quaint.
TORNADOES, SERIOUSLY?
Michigan experiences about 17 tornadoes a year, and portions of the southern part of the state experience nearly as many as parts of Tornado Alley. There are also occasional waterspouts that form over Lake Michigan, which is crazy, or maybe it’s just how clouds go fishing?
INUENDO
The state flag features an elk and a moose gazing lustily at a bald eagle. The white ribbon is emblazoned with the Latin motto meaning, “If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you.” That’s awesome.
MOTOWN
Michigan produced contemporary recording artists like Madonna, Eminem, and Kid Rock, but the state is best known for Motown, the record label that dramatically changed the face of American music. That musical heyday is in the past, but Michigan is still a breeding ground for talented musicians and performers.
SAFETY
Have you seen what Detroit Lions defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh does to people who live in states besides Michigan? It isn’t pretty.
MIDDLE-EASTERN FOOD MECCA
Michigan has a sizable population of Middle-Eastern ancestries, particularly in Dearborn. Immigrants from Lebanon, Iraq, Yemen and other countries arrived with their own food traditions, bringing even more flavor to Michigan. Because of this, the state is a haven for kabobs, hummus, falafel, shawarma, and 1,001 other delicious Middle-Eastern dishes.
PROFESSIONAL SPORTS
Detroit is a great sports town, one of twelve cities that have a team in all four professional American sports. As long as you overlook the NFL Detroit Lions, you’ll see the city is home to a number of championships: NHL Detroit Red Wings (11), NBA Detroit Pistons (3), WNBA Detroit Shock (3), and Detroit Tigers (4).
THE WOLVERINE STATE
MIchigan has long been known as the Wolverine State, but the last known wolverine in the state died in 2010. There’s talk of a state-wide competition to pick a new title. “The Wolverine-Free State” doesn’t have a good ring to it.
BOLTON. MICHAEL BOLTON
Grammy Award-winning singer Michael Bolton is working on a documentary about the “comeback of Detroit.” If you want to be part of a comeback AND a Michael Bolton project then run—don’t walk—run to Michigan.
NORTHERN LIGHTS
Sometimes, during the night, there’s a collision of energetic charged particles with atoms in the thermosphere and the result is aurora borealis (northern lights). You can sometimes see it in the night sky, especially in northern Michigan.
MICHIGAN LAWS
There’s a Michigan law still on the books that says a woman must have her husband’s permission to get a haircut.
TWENTY POUND CARP
Are you a fish with political aspirations? Then Michigan might be just the state for you because sometimes local fish will run for city council as a write-in candidate. Really.
BEER
What state has 124 craft breweries and was named the Fourth Best Craft Brew State in America? Well, that would be Oregon, but Michigan came in fifth with a total of 102 craft breweries. And unlike in Oregon, lawmakers in Michigan are trying to pass legislation requiring bars selling “pints” to make them a full 16 ounces. Nearly all U.S. bars serve their pints in 14 ounce glasses.
10 CENTS PER CAN/BOTTLE
In Michigan, you get ten cents for every aluminum can or glass bottle you return to the store. Thus, the recycling rate in Michigan is 97%, far better than the 33% for states without any deposit laws.
5 SEASONS
Michigan enjoys a varied climate featuring winter, spring, summer, fall, and second winter.
AN AQUAPHOBIC’S WORST NIGHTMARE
Michigan has more coastline than other state except Alaska, and residents are never more than a 20-minute drive from a Great Lake, regular lake, river, creek or pond. It’s an ideal state for those who enjoy swimming, sailing, paddle sports, fishing, boating, and even surfing. Seriously, surfing.
CLIFF DIVING
There are numerous cliff jumping and diving locations in Michigan and none of them have hungry sharks waiting in the depths. Just rocks. Big, jagged rocks.
HELL, MICHIGAN
Hell freezes over all the time in Michigan, an unincorporated community in Livingston County.
ICE SCRAPER GLOVES
You’re going to spend a lot of mornings scraping ice off your windshield, That’s just reality. You can simultaneously keep your hands warm and remove ice by purchasing an ice scraper glove.
CHEESEBURGER FESTIVAL
Jimmy Buffet fans gather to eat a variety of cheeseburgers during Cheeseburger in Caseville, an annual ten-day long festival in Caseville, MI. You could join them, if that’s something you’re into.
THE DECLINE OF DENNIS RODMAN
When NBA star Dennis Rodman lived in Michigan, he was a two-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year for the Detroit Pistons. Following that, he moved to Chicago and started dying his hair stupid colors. The downward spiral continued and soon he was playing for the Tijuana Dragons, appearing in terrible reality TV shows, and buddying up with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. This is what happens to people who leave Michigan. Don’t let that happen to you.
CHECK OUT MICHIGAN HOMES FOR SALE ON ESTATELY
Did we forget any other things to consider? Let us know in the comments.
